Post Your Jokes!

Nov 21, 2006
3,957
274
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Australia
Whats the difference between a pizza and a phD in mathematics?

A pizza can feed a family
Hrmmm... and a phD in mathematics can get you a fairly high-paying job
in any number of different areas as the ability to follow complex
mathematical logic demonstrates high-level analytical capacities...
and then this which can feed your family for a long time...
I don't get the humour in this one...


blah blah
[/2cents]
 
Sep 21, 2008
1,016
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48
Hrmmm... and a phD in mathematics can get you a fairly high-paying job
in any number of different areas as the ability to follow complex
mathematical logic demonstrates high-level analytical capacities...
and then this which can feed your family for a long time...
I don't get the humour in this one...


blah blah
[/2cents]
I laughed because it reminded me of another joke that is in very bad taste, thanks Shotgun =D :pP
 
Nov 17, 2007
2,905
87
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Victoriornatorror
Hrmmm... and a phD in mathematics can get you a fairly high-paying job
in any number of different areas as the ability to follow complex
mathematical logic demonstrates high-level analytical capacities...
and then this which can feed your family for a long time...
I don't get the humour in this one...


blah blah
[/2cents]
Dont worry the fields I'm going for are not exactly much better so making this joke is like making fun of myself :shower:
 
Mar 11, 2007
10,784
405
83
Perth
People who live in stone houses shouldn't throw glasses.


The standard deviation is not enough for perverted staticians
 
Aug 20, 2010
10
1
0
Cowboy walks into a bar with no money and wants a drink. He goes to the BAR tender. "I bet you free drinks for the night that I can make that horse outside Laugh like no one has seen before. Barmen simply laughs "youre on"

The man walks over to the horse and whispers in it ear. The horse burst into laughter and begins to roll around unable to stop. The barmen say fair enough and gives him free drinks the entire night.

two days later he comes back "bet ya free drinks I can make that horse cry like never before. Barmen again thinks he nuts and say "youre on". The man walks over and within 20 seconds the horse starts crying immensly. the bartender honors the agreement but after a few drinks says "just tell me how did you make that horse laugh."
The man looks straight at him and says " I told him I had a bigger penis."
"ok, so how did you make him cry"
"I showed him"


An army general is pulled over for speeding. the cop comes to the window and asks for his license and registration.
The general says "sorry officer, But I dont have a license and this isnt my car. I killed the owner with the gun thats in the glovebox and stuffed them in the boot."
The officer in shock quickly runs back to the police cruiser and calls for back up. A senior officer arrives on scene. The younger officer explains the situation. The senior officer goes the talk to the general himself and following protocol asks to see his license.
The general hands over his license and the registration which shows it is his car. The senior officer then asks that he open the golve box slowly. He does so and there is no gun. He then asks the look on the boot. He does so and there is no body.
Senior officer: " I dont get it. The officer said you didnt have a licence, and that you had stolen this car and killed the owner with a gun on the glovebox.
General: "yea and I bet the lying prick said I was speeding too"
 
Mar 30, 2008
4,746
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Whitsundays
xavoau.tumblr.com
This is the story of Rindercella and her sugly isters.



Rindercella and her sugly isters lived in a marge lansion. Rindercella worked very hard frubbing sloors, emptying poss pits, and shivelling shot.
At the end of the day, she was knucking fackered. The sugly isters were right bugly astards. One was called Mary Hinge, and the other was called Betty Swallocks; they were really forrible huckers; they had fetty sweet and fatty swannies. The sugly isters had tickets to go to the ball, but the cotton runts would not let Rindercella go.


Suddenly there was a bucking fang, and her gairy fodmother appeared. Her name was Shairy Hithole and she was a light rucking fesbian. She turned a pumpkin and six mite wice into a hucking cuge farriage with six dandy ronkeys who had buge hollocks and dig bicks. The gairy fodmother told Rindercella to be back by dimnlight otherwise, there would be a cucking falamity.
At the ball, Rindercella was dancing with the prandsome hince when suddenly the clock struck twelve. "Mist all chucking frighty!!!" said Rindercella, and she ran out tripping barse over ollocks, so dropping her slass glipper.


The very next day, the prandsome hince knocked on Rindercella's door and the sugly isters let him in.. Suddenly, Betty Swallocks lifted her leg and let off a fig bart.. "Who's fust jarted?" asked the prandsome hince. "Blame that fugly ucker over there!!" said Mary Hinge.
When the stinking brown cloud had lifted, he tried the slass glipper on both the sugly isters without success and their feet stucking funk.
Betty Swallocks was ducking fisgusted and gave the prandsome hince a knack in the kickers. This was not difficult as he had bucking fuge halls and
a hig bard on. He tried the slass glipper on Rindercella and it fitted pucking ferfectly.
Rindercella and the prandsome hince were married. The pransome hince lived his life in lucking fuxury, and Rindercella lived hers with a follen swanny
 
Mar 30, 2008
4,746
243
63
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Whitsundays
xavoau.tumblr.com
Haha, The Two Ronnies did that on BBC TV and didn't get a single complaint from the whole show! Bugger memorising that, even a slight mistake would be quite harmful.
 
Mar 5, 2011
1,452
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Brisbane
www.youtube.com
So Joe lives on a farm in north eastern NSW. As he is driving from the local town he notices that his neighbour, Luigi, has a sign out the front that says:

'Stallion for Sale, $10'

Seeing a bargain he drives in and talks to Luigi:

'Luigi, your selling your beautiful white stallion for $10? Why?'
'Ahhh, he no looka no gooda no more!'
'Looks fine to me, I will take it!'

So Joe leads the horse back to his property when the horse walks smack bang into a pole.

'That son of a--- he sold me a blind horse!'

Joe runs back and tells Luigi

'Mate you sold be a blind horse, you scum!'
'Butta I tella you! He no looka no gooda no more!!!'
 
May 9, 2008
3,352
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What's the difference between a dead Accordion player on the road and a dead Squirrel on the road?

The Squirrel was probably on it's way to a gig.
 
Nov 21, 2006
3,957
274
83
Australia
A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him, 'Father, I have a problem.

I have two female parrots,

But they only know to say one thing.'

'What do they say?' the priest asked.

They say, 'Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?'

'That's obscene!' the priest exclaimed,

Then he thought for a moment.....

'You know,' he said, 'I may have a solution to your problem. I have two male talking parrots, which I have taught to pray and read the Bible...

Bring your two parrots over to my house, and we'll put them in the cage with Francis and Peter.

My parrots can teach your parrots to pray and worship,
And your parrots are sure to stop saying... That phrase... In no time.'

'Thank you,' the woman responded, 'this may very well be the solution.'

The next day,
She brought her female parrots to the priest's house....

As he ushered her in,
She saw that his two male parrots
were inside their cage holding rosary beads and praying..

Impressed,
She walked over and placed her parrots in with them...

After a few minutes,
The female parrots cried out in unison:

Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?'

There was stunned silence...

Shocked, One male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and says,

'Put the beads away, Frank,
Our prayers have been answered!
 
Apr 12, 2010
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I sat on the train this morning opposite a stunning Thai girl. I kept thinking to myself, please don't get an erection, please don't get an erection but she did.


Paddy says "Mick, I'm thinking of buying a Labrador." "Nooooo, " says Mick, "have you seen how many of their owners go blind"


I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice!! At least I presume she was poor - she only had $1.20 in her purse.


Went for my routine check up today and everything seemed to be going fine until he stuck his index finger up my a***! Do you think I should change dentists?
 
Sep 10, 2010
113
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ayy sorry guys that one wasnt me, bro thought it would be funny because i left it up soz about that
 

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